


keeping empty beds elsewhere.

by 1roomdisco



Series: BE MY CONVERSATION. [2]
Category: NCT (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at angst, Bisexual Character, Character Study, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Insecurity, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Possibly Unrequited Love, Size Difference, if u know/starting to enjoy my fics then SUBCONTEXTS lmao, johnny KILLED me i lovd writing him, plz don't hate taeil whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 21:39:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10499976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1roomdisco/pseuds/1roomdisco
Summary: EDITED 5/18:the eventful week in the life of moon taeil, featuring not one, but two (2) good friends of his who might be in love with him.





	

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
> * was supposed to be a prompt fill for: [Johnny loves Saturday mornings because he has all the time to thoroughly wreck Taeil without any interruption.](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/NCTprompts_V/prompts/700187)  
>   
> but i got too _deep_. hence the word count ~~and the slight attempt at angst.~~
> 
> * [taeil looks like this](https://68.media.tumblr.com/1acd3947e9c91ae352bceabe0aee8375/tumblr_onmhznV4zJ1w7hltho1_500.png) with limitless era red hair & [the gifset that started it all.](http://nakamotens.tumblr.com/post/158842776381/look-at-how-excited-taeyong-is-to-take-a-picture)  
> * first, thank you for being here.
> 
> * this fic follows [peach.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10451211)  
> 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_sunday_

**from: johnny seo**

**received 13:09**

Hyung caramel macchiato?,

 

**to: johnny seo**

**sent 13:29**

Sorry, can’t. The Paper, remember?

 

**from: johnny seo**

**received 13:30**

right i forgoT, lunch 2mrw? Same place n time? :) 

 

**to: johnny seo**

**sent 14:20**

Sure^^

 

* * *

 

 

 

_monday_

“taeil-hyung, did you know? jaehyun didn’t come home last weekend.”

taeil isn’t even trying to contain the wide smile threatening to split his face into two. he suspected as much, with how jaehyun had clung to that hongik university guy in his instagram story last saturday. the boys had finally met the mystery guy jaehyun had been gushing about for the last couple of weeks, but taeil couldn’t make it because of his paper—which he had submitted, not a word less from two thousand of lewis acidity.

anyway, he missed the big steps the baby of their group made, but he trusts jaehyun’s judgement. jaehyun has learned his lesson after he got ditched by that girl from his macro economy class. it came as a big surprise for them—him, taeyong, hansol, and johnny—that their baby jaehyunnie could fall for a scrawny looking _doyoung-hyung~_ who resembles a rabbit, a handsome one nonetheless, but still, because jaehyun has always had eyes for girls with short hair. their first meeting was cute, though, so if jaehyun is happy then taeil is not one to complain.

“he he he.” jaehyun is all shy grin and scrunched nose, making his squishy cheeks even more adorable like this.

“i hope you guys used protection.” taeil mumbles, sipping on his matcha latte, but it doesn’t go unheard because jaehyun is squealing and johnny and taeyong are grabbing at each other’s arms, laughing out loud while hansol makes a lewd gesture with his index finger and a hole and _that_ kills johnny and taeyong.

“ _hyuuuuunnggg!_ ” jaehyun whines, squishy cheeks reddening. he pouts as he hides his face on taeil’s shoulder, interlocking their free arms tight.

“did you?” taeil is mostly being serious right now, whispering to the tip of jaehyun’s reddened ear and jaehyun whispers back _he was so sweet to me_ while nodding.

“good.” taeil gestures to the boys to calm down and with one last snort from johnny, they shift their attention back to _doyoung-hyung~_.

“you weren’t that drunk, right?” taeyong sighs, rubbing at his chin. “you had like, five vodka shots.” they all know that jaehyun _can_ hold his liquor well.

“no,” jaehyun says, still resting his head on taeil’s shoulder, “why?”

“i mean, he didn’t force you or anything, right?” taeyong rephrases his question, and jaehyun coos at their resident tough guy’s genuine concern. even hansol and johnny clasp their hands like two gigantic maidens swooning over a prince charming.

“he was just—” jaehyun curls up into taeil and giggles, obviously remembering a very good time with this doyoung guy. “so, so, _so_ sweet! it didn’t hurt a bit. i really like him.”

taeyong chokes. hansol gapes. johnny actually flushes because of obvious reason. _serves them right_ , taeil clicks his tongue and pats jaehyun’s head.

“he's quite a chatterbox.” jaehyun, blissfully oblivious, plays with the sleeve of taeil’s white jumper that hides his fingers.

“i can’t wait to meet this guy.” taeil nods, and then their conversation shifts to the latest trump issue, to their favorite school rapper contestants, and to how the weather is still cold even if it's already the beginning of spring. johnny mentions that jaehyun gets to experience spring love and right after johnny said so, a very, very pretty girl approaches hansol with a tiny, wrapped gift, bowing at them and hurrying off to her giggly group of cute girlfriends. one of them smiles and waves at taeyong. taeyong nods at her.

“see? the miracle of spring.” johnny nudges hansol to open the gift, but just like always, hansol refuses. he never opens the gifts he receives in public, deeming it impolite. which is a lie. everybody _knows_ that hansol is worried about his blank expression. he receives gifts so often it becomes anti-climatic for them after the fourth time in a week leading to his birthday last year, and the sentiment saying ‘god is just’ truly applies to him. hansol might have the legendary visual rumor has it he got streetcasted by all top three entertainment agencies while he was still a high school student, but god might have missed a wire when he, bless him, tuned hansol’s frequency because god help him he _can’t_ hold a decent small talk with literally anyone. let alone girls who come from different station altogether.

“looks expensive,” taeyong comments, the second contender of their group’s nonexistent who-gets-the-most-presents race. he asks, “it’s... what? the first of the month?”

hansol nods. he puts the tiny gift in his backpack. he has a container full of gifts that he never touches except when he first opens them. taeil thinks that’s really considerable (polite?) for someone who’s so reluctant to receive presents, but never has the heart to decline. one of these days hansol has to learn to say no, though. or gets himself a nice girlfriend.

jaehyun’s kakaotalk notification sound is loud among the chatter of their favorite diner, and then he asks everyone to take a group selfie because _doyoung-hyung~_ wants to see them as a whole. taeil puts his chin on jaehyun’s right shoulder, backhugging him with a smile.

it’s a shame that they still have classes after lunch, except for johnny, who offers to walk taeil back to campus to kill time before his three pm class.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 _ tuesday _

on tuesday, taeil works at the student center for five hours per week. he occupies the afternoon shift, just right after lunch until closing time at six pm. when he’s not working on the front desk he’s helping the public relations team preparing the meeting room; checking the projector or the mic, and making sure to print out an attendance list. sometimes he navigates the guests, mostly parents, to the dorm buildings. he replies to emails addressed to the student center’s official account. he keeps the online bulletin board updated with the latest roommate-searching or cause-meeting agenda. it’s an easy job, not too overwhelming for his studies, and the payment is enough to get by whenever he’s in need of new sweater or his weekly dose of caramel macchiato.

today is a busy day. he didn’t get to have lunch because seulgi needed help cross-checking attendee list from tokyo university’s delegation for their annual creative marketing week. the student center is expected to welcome the delegation on thursday, and seulgi is in charge of gift bags. there’s a last minute member-changing from tokyo university which means seulgi has to add a couple of extra memo pads, pens, block notes, and university pennants for them.

once they’re done with the gift bags, there’s a flock of high school seniors from incheon asking for brochures and campus map. they’re traveling without their teachers, claiming that it’s their free day so they’re touring around universities in seoul. two girls are giggling behind their phones whenever taeil answers questions, and taeil is grateful that he styled his hair this morning before going to campus.

seulgi is massaging his neck when johnny comes in, side swept hair flowing with the whoosh of the automatic door and a handful of mouthwatering subway sandwich and a cup of iced caramel macchiato.

 _“here’s johnny!”_ the younger boy announces in english, a trademark of some sort from a famous horror movie taeil never agreed to watch.

“hyung, how are you today?” johnny nods to seulgi, who has stopped her massage. johnny is wearing his heartthrob basketball team varsity jacket today, the one that accentuates his broad shoulders and long torso. the black, white, and yellow combination are a good look on him. “i brought caramel macchiato, since you ordered matcha latte yesterday.”

“must be hurt when you fell from heaven,” taeil says, wriggling his eyebrows and getting a loud laugh as a response. “thank you so much.”

“no probs,” johnny shrugs, and then he talks to seulgi in a softer tone he reserves only for strangers, girls, and that one time, a horse. “hi, i’m johnny from international relations major.”

seulgi bows. “hi, nice to meet you. i’m seulgi.”

“are you taeil-hyung’s friend?”

“yes, we have the same classes.”

taeil pipes in, “she got me this job.”

johnny’s eyes lit up. “ahh, yeah! the organic chemistry fairy! i remember now,” he smiles, and then he bows once again. “sorry.”

“it’s okay, i’m a cool noona.” seulgi flicks her black hair like the cool noona she is and taeil laughs because it’s true. seulgi is the rarity their major needs; the eye cleansing freshness with her presence alone. she smells so good all the time, and her orange-tinted lips are such a sight among ruffled, greasy hair and five o’clock shadows walking around like zombies. seulgi navigates herself to taeil, because she said she felt comfortable sticking close to him and her boyfriend didn’t see taeil as a threat—which could be translated as an insult if taeil were lesser than who he is, but taeil is just glad a girl could trust him, knowing he went to an all-boys high school for three lonely years before relishing the glory that is the country’s top co-ed university.

“well, johnny, just so you know if i’m the fairy then taeil is taeyomi. his popularity beats me.” seulgi tickles taeil’s chin, a thing she does whenever she’s convinced that taeil is even cuter than her boyfriend.

“oh?” johnny raises one eyebrow, looking skeptical. the smirk he sends to taeil is infuriating.

“he’s really popular among guys.” she continues, sitting down on a chair next to taeil, crossing her beautiful legs. she’s the type of girl who can rock simple skinny jeans thanks to the shape of her legs alone. “it’s the sweater paws. making him look softer.”

“he knows his charm,” johnny is beaming, “noona, why don’t you help him get a girlfriend?”

ah, the one topic seulgi will never give up on.

“i have tried setting him up!” she slaps a dainty hand to taeil’s knee. seulgi’s friend was clearly out of taeil’s league; the kind of beauty that turns head wherever she goes with kisses that tasted like cherry. they dated for a while, but taeil had to break it off because he’s never gotten the knack to treat irene-noona right. he even made her cry, in the end.

“he’s a heartbreaker, for sure. _nappeun namja._ ” seulgi scoffs, but when taeil pouts at her she immediately relents, hugging his head tight.

“whoa, taeil-hyung, never knew this side of you.” johnny shakes his head, faking a displeased expression and completing it with a long sigh. “noona, if he ever wronged you, just tell me. i will protect you.”

seulgi gives a thumbs up at johnny’s cringeworthy statement, cool as ever, and johnny grins, excusing himself for his next class. he trips on his feet when he’s out of the automatic door, and seulgi giggles, somehow hysteric. hm. that’s very unlikely of her. but then again johnny always has that kind of effect on people. he’s a pro at spreading secondhand embarrassment.

“your friend is really big in person.” seulgi pokes taeil’s side, apologizing when taeil flinches out of his seat. “i’m like, do i even reach his shoulders? i don’t think so?”

“you’re right.” taeil bops seulgi on the tip of her pretty nose, and he takes a sip of his favorite iced caramel macchiato. johnny got his order right; whipped cream is a must with extra caramel drizzle. such a great dongsaeng.

“he’s the new ‘nighty-night’ DJ,” taeil adds the information about johnny because he has to promote his great dongsaeng’s radio show.

“no wonder i’m familiar with his name. joy talks about him sometimes.” seulgi nods, and she has her pretty eyebrows crinkled when she’s thinking hard like this. “wonder if he’s single?”

“i believe he is,” taeil hums, “want me to pass him a message or something?”

“nope.” she moves to stand up, gathering her stuffs. she uses a really cute but worn out jansport backpack.

“would you like to share?” he offers seulgi his food but she refuses, telling him to enjoy his lunch because her boyfriend is coming anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 _ wednesday _

taeil can breathe on wednesday. the easiest class this semester starts at ten, and he gets free time from lunch until whenever he feels like coming home. usually, he meets up with the boys for a snack break at the nearest dunkin donuts or bubble tea parlor and he will stay in the main library before that, catching up on his reading or writing papers. sometimes when he’s feeling rich he will join hansol and johnny—the two boys who are not from seoul therefore they’re staying in a dorm, relying on take outs and cheap campus diners—to treat them dinner.

he picks a nice spot by the huge windows near the chemistry section, very quiet and kinda hidden from view. he’s planning to review last week’s notes, and he’s already prepared his favorite chocolate pocky to nibble. one of the reasons why taeil prefers the main library rather than his department is because of the eating policy; here, small snacks and candies are allowed.

he’s taking out pencil case and notebook when he feels his phone buzzing.

 

**from: johnny seo**

**received 13:11**

wher r u hyung?.

 

**to: johnny seo**

**sent 13:12**

Main library. Chemistry section. You done with your class?

 

**from: johnny seo**

**received 13:13**

yeA. want sumting from the mart?

 

**to: johnny seo**

**sent 13:13**

Nah, thanks.

 

**from: johnny seo**

**received 13:14**

omw

 

taeil checks his phone for more kakaotalk chat but finds none. he goes to explore his instagram timeline and finds seulgi posted their selca from yesterday just this morning, and the #nofilter multiple posts has 127 likes so far. the number of her followers is exactly 1,003 and she only posts once in a blue moon (she’s kinda instagram-famous). taeil double-taps the post (he looks okay there) and decides to watch his favorite shiba inu account’s instagram story on mute.

he’s still scrolling through his instagram timeline when johnny arrives, bringing the afternoon sun warmth with him. he’s wearing a black beanie today, and his wide shoulders are clad in a black, hooded jumper.

“hey.” taeil smiles, putting his bag aside so johnny can put his on the desk. johnny takes a seat in front of him.

“hi, hyung.” johnny looks up, and he has spectacular dark circles underneath his eyes.

taeil pouts. “rough night?” he whispers, reaching out to dust off invincible dirt on johnny’s left cheek.

“yeah, another all-nighter.” johnny takes off his beanie and his hair limps out. the younger boy takes pride of his luscious hair; will always flaunt the silky strands anytime. taeil can count with one hand how many times johnny decides to fuck it and goes out with his less flattering, limp hair during their two years of friendship.

“have you had lunch?” taeil asks. if johnny hadn’t looked this bad he would have scolded him for pulling another all-nighter. he’s seen the papers johnny had to write. if he needed a couple of days to write two thousand words on lewis acidity, then he could never understand how johnny could flesh out three thousand words on the brexit effect for european union countries in just one night, mostly in english. but johnny seems to manage his grades alright because he’s passed his classes in flying colors. him growing up in chicago until before he entered university must have come in handy with his english papers.

anyway.

“i have pocky.”

johnny sniffs, shaking his head. “thanks, hyung. but i’m just so fucking sleepy. can i sleep here? please wake me up if i snore.” for a big guy, johnny doesn’t spout profanity that often. when he does, he’s either really giving up or tired or the combination of the two.

johnny crosses his massive arms on the desk and uses them to rest his head. even if he’s hunched like this, he’s still the biggest guy taeil has ever known. 

“okay then.” taeil brushes off johnny’s long fringe so it won’t get in his closed eyes, but it falls back again and again.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 _ thursday _

**Jaehyunnie** : Johnny-hyung fighting~, my Doyoung-hyung said he likes listening to you every Thursday!

 **JiHaHa** : I’m listening now johny yah. dont forget my song request.

 **Moon Taeil** : Nighty-Night jjang. Hyung is listening too :)

 **1taeyong** : dude please play mad city

 **Jaehyunnie** : Ah yes!

 **Moon Taeil** : Lately that song is everywhere.

 **Johnny Boi** : hi guYs!! thank you I will work hard! Mad City? u got it,.

 

their university has a really popular radio station, tuning in on 97.0 fm. johnny’s show is called ‘nighty-night’ and it airs every thursday from 9 pm to 1 am. it’s the trendiest show for three consecutive years, reaching out more than two thousand listeners from in and outside seoul  national university circle. the competition to occupy the DJ booth was no joke. johnny had to beat about thirty other applicants from various departments and majors, doing online voting campaign on the university website and all that. his result was on par with a bubbly freshman called joy (apparently one of seulgi’s good friends), and they had to divide their airtime every two other weeks.

this is johnny’s third time handling ‘nighty-night’. he gets the first and the third week of the month.

taeil goes to sleep around 11 pm every night when he doesn’t have to cram for any of his classes. he’s been a devoted listener of ‘nighty-night’ even before he enrolled in the university, and he likes to help johnny to improve his show by jotting down which topics seem boring for him as a listener. johnny loves radio so much because he used to follow his mother who was a radio DJ herself back in chicago. now his mother continues to work as an executive producer, and johnny’s accomplishment had made his parents proud. taeil understands this is really important for johnny, who gets to see his parents only during christmas holiday when he flies back home.

tonight’s first topic is about food that doesn’t taste like how it appears to be. taeil has to bite his pillow to muffle his laughter because johnny confesses to one thousand and nine hundred ninety nine other listeners that he had tasted banana-scented highlighter. even he didn’t get the term right the first second time, saying ‘colored pen’ and ‘coloring pen’ because his korean is still limited for certain words. johnny can sound so _cute_ at times when he’s flustered, and his laughter is so loud as he tries to calm down, moving away from the mic and screaming at ‘nighty-night’ producer to _stop teasing me, hyung! it smelled so good, okay?! ha ha ha!_

he reads listeners’ comments about the topic on ‘nighty-night’ twitter. taeil doesn’t have a twitter, so he replies to their group chat instead.

 

 **Moon Taeil** : For me, it’s mango. Both the chips you brought from US and the fruit. I really like it tho.

 **Johnny Boi** : i can ask mom 2 send the chips for us

 **Moon Taeil** : Eh, no no. It’s okay.

 **Johnny Boi** : bet taeyong wont say no

 **1taeyong** : true dude. if it’s not a problem with your mom.

 **Johnny** **Boi** : no worries dude

 **Jaehyunnie** : n_n

 **JiHaHa** : n_________n

 **Johnny** **Boi** : Mad CIty after comMercial!

 **1taeyong** : that’s my man.

 **Moon** **Taeil** : Thank you :)

 

when the commercial plays, taeil goes to brush his teeth. his younger sister is using the bathroom, so he waits in the hallway, humming a verse from ‘mad city’, the hit song from a new boygroup. it’s a great song, a rap really, but taeil finds himself reciting the verse he chose without a glitch. 

his younger sister doesn’t take long. he bops her nose as a greeting and she grumbles. by the time he comes back to his room, ‘mad city’ has already reached the first chorus.

taeil begins to drift off after that, while johnny enters the second topic about _when do you think your crush is the prettiest or handsomest?_ —this also marks the segment for song request.

“you can send your song request only via our website. remember, i won’t play your request if you send it to our twitter!” johnny puts the iconic ‘nighty-night’ tagline. taeil is about to turn the radio off when johnny speaks again, the softest he’s ever been tonight.

“the next song is a little bit sad, but it’s perfect for this time of the hour. i would like to dedicate this song for a hyung i think of dearly.” taeil can’t see him, but he’s pretty sure johnny is smiling. the music begins playing softly in the background, and johnny mentions the song’s name. “everyone, this is b1a4’s ‘good love’. enjoy.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

 _ friday _  

none of the boys actually enjoys clubbing _that_ much. but there’s a newly opened club in itaewon and it’s free entry for university student on friday night. amazing marketing strategy, because even hansol, the resident handsome hermit, can’t say no to johnny’s half-hearted offer to go tonight.

the five of them are having lunch at their usual campus diner. jaehyun says he can’t go because he already has a date with his _doyoung-hyung~_. johnny is only offering because his senior at 97.0 fm made sure he will show up this week, for publicity sake since ‘nighty-night’ needs to show off their new DJs. joy will be there. seulgi, who loves dancing and is joy’s friend and is organic chemistry fairy, might be there. will irene-noona be there? then taeil needs to ask seulgi.

“what’s the dress code at neo culture?” taeyong asks, finishing his bibimbap. “‘neo culture’. heh, sounds promising.”

“casual, i hope. wear clean shoes.” johnny answers, shrugging. “will you come, taeil-hyung?”

to be completely honest, taeil can’t dance. he doesn’t have the natural flow to move his body, never mind he always gets perfect score at noraebang and was once the school’s choir president. he likes the electronic dance music genre, alright, but he’d prefer to dance along to it while listening from his headphones. it’s not that he hates a club, per se, a club is just not within his element. if he wants to have a drink he’ll just go to a bar. but in a club, if he stayed rooted to the bar all night long, he would feel ridiculous.

“you should come, hyung. you didn’t hang out with us last weekend.” jaehyun comments, overlooking that he won’t be there this time. taeil smiles at jaehyun’s innocent slip, but he’s not convinced yet.

“yeah, we could be awkward together.” hansol jokes, making a peace sign out of his awkward habit. “i wouldn’t mind a good fuck tonight.”

oh, has taeil ever told you that hansol is _crude_? because he is.

“gross,” taeil grimaces, but alright then. he needs to ask seulgi first. the thought of bumping into irene-noona tonight doesn’t seem so entertaining, even after months have passed. he’s really a _nappeun namja_. “i need to ask a friend about something, if it’s okay, then i’ll go.”

“what is it?” johnny slumps on the booth, his mile long legs are caging taeil’s under the table. he leans sideway to rest his head on jaehyun’s arm.

“well,” taeil makes a vague gesture, and decides to get over with it. “hold on, let me call her.” he gets up, heading to the main door, and seulgi answers on the fourth ring. _yes, i’ll be at neo culture. oh my god are you going?_ _no, irene-unnie won’t be there tonight, she’s visiting her grandparents. why?_ and taeil dodges the question with another question, _should i wear sweater or what?_ and seulgi must be rolling her pretty eyes at him, wherever she is right now, and says, _no way! wear something decent! you have skinny jeans, right? and that powder blue shirt i looooove so much! if you wear something else i will look for another lab partner!_

taeil announces that he’s coming, and that he needs a place to crash the night because his parents never spare their children a key, meaning taeil and his younger sister still have curfew or they can just sleep somewhere else.

“you can crash on mine,” johnny says, wiping his clean fingers on a napkin. “hyuk is going to his hometown tonight.” hyuk is johnny’s roommate, a cute, tall kid who speaks with baby voice merely out of habit.

taeyong claps his hands to get their attention. “should we meet at johnny’s place then? does eleven sound good? from there we can catch taxi to neo culture.”

“good with me. are you going home to change first, hyung?” johnny sits up straighter, peeking on taeil’s empty barley tea glass. “want a refill?”

taeil beams at johnny’s well-known attentiveness and nods. in the end, hansol and jaehyun’s glasses are also in need of refill and johnny thanks his big hands as he goes on his quest, holding two glasses on each big hand.

hansol flicks taeil’s arm and asks, “what are you gonna wear, taeil-ah?”

“something blue.” taeil flicks hansol back on his ear. “tight jeans?”

“nice. i’ll color coordinate with you.”

“but hansol-hyung, you have to wear the black shirt we bought last week!” jaehyun frowns. he’s the best dresser among the five of them, and he has sharp eyes for which outfit is hot and which isn’t. going shopping with him is an experience of its own. “what something blue, taeil-hyung? the powder blue one that i like on you?”

taeil bursts out laughing because that’s exactly what seulgi said on the phone!

“yes!” he giggles and apologizes. “sorry, i wasn’t laughing at you.” and jaehyun dismisses it with his dimpled smile.

taeyong, unnecessarily serious, joins in, “how about me, jaehyunnie? what should i wear?”

“taeyong-hyung will look good in anything~” jaehyun leans on his elbows on the table and taeyong makes a sound that’s so unlike lee taeyong, the face of seoul national university you can find on the website’s front page, on brochures, and every corners of your department. the sound is similar to a cat’s purr, and it’s especially designated only for jaehyun.

“tch,” johnny returns with four refilled  glasses. “you’re always playing favorites behind my back.”

“never! johnny-hyung should wear his navy collarless shirt, two top buttons undone.” jaehyun reaches to cling to johnny’s arm once he’s sitting, smashing his cheek to johnny’s bicep. “and don’t forget your super cool adidas nmd.”

“look at this brat,” johnny tugs at jaehyun’s poodle hair, softly though. he does it whenever he can’t handle jaehyun’s aegyo attack. “i’m just praying for your doyoung-hyung. fine. let’s meet at eleven, my place.”

 

 

 

the four of them are waiting for johnny’s 97.0 fm’s sunbaenim to pick them up. the line is crazy out here, and everyone looks so gorgeous in their best clubbing outfits. taeil is glad he follows seulgi and jaehyun’s advice, because he needs this kind of confidence boost, moreover when his friends are looking like they come out of a photoshoot. hansol wears the black shirt that hugs his upper body like second skin, and with johnny’s help, the resident hair extraordinaire, his dark hair is side-parted to expose his beautiful forehead. taeyong opts for casual black and white thin striped t-shirt, oversized, tucked in the hip 90’s style denim that hang just above his ankles. jaehyun is right; taeyong will look devastatingly handsome even if he’s dressed in a worn out training gear.

johnny also follows jaehyun’s advice wearing the navy collarless shirt, two top buttons undone, and the pair of super cool adidas nmd. he looks like a menace, but when he smiles at taeil who shudders because of april wind, his eyes are softening on the edges.

“want me to suffocate you in my certified johnny hug, hyung?” johnny is already opening his arms and taeil rolls his eyes. he and jaehyun love to initiate skinship a lot, making it easier for them to bond knowing how awkward hansol and taeil are. taeyong is just too nice he’s always enjoying johnny and jaehyun’s antics.

“no?” johnny pouts, arms still hanging open.

“yes, please.” taeil mumbles, ignoring a few people who might witness their display of friendship affection, and goes to johnny’s embrace. johnny does give the best hug, though, so whatever.

the warmth doesn’t last long because joy, a plump, tall girl with bob hair and endless smile, shows up with sparks in her doe eyes. she greets johnny cutely ( _“johnny-oppa!”_ ) and bows to the rest of them, introducing herself. she’s a freshman from education major.

“taeil-sshi? seulgi-unnie is waiting for you,” she says to taeil who feels happy by just looking at her. “come on, guys.” and she leads them in after confirming their names on the guest list to the bouncer.

neo culture is sure... new.

in terms of music, taeil wishes he could lie to himself that he’s not enjoying this RnB/trap fusion that’s somewhat darker than usual and not too squeaky loud—the observation made after a couple of heartbeats wearing the glow-in-the-dark wristband. it’s quite calming, in a way, just like the overall ambience of the place. the lighting is mainly red, blue, and orange, signified by tall, transparent boxes with each colors. three girls are inside the boxes, dancing, not sensually, but just as mesmerizing.

it’s cold inside, with bodies moving to the mild-tempo beat. the main act of the day will play exactly at one am, and so the chattering is still loud.

seulgi finds him at the bar. her boyfriend is by her side, sipping on fruity cocktail that taeil secretly enjoys. after simple greeting and another round of introduction, joy drags johnny to one of the VIPs table on the second floor.

“you look so handsome,” seulgi turns to taeil, eyeing him from head to toe. her boyfriend doesn’t even bat an eyelash at his girlfriend’s atypical behavior. “there’s still something missing...”

“what?” taeil grins, helplessly.

“come sit down,” she gives up her stool for him and takes something out from her purse. “don’t fuss. just look up.” it’s an eyeliner pencil.

again, this isn’t the first time seulgi is acting like his older sister wanting only the very best for him. she, for the lack of better word, dotes on taeil, probably because taeil is shy and frail, so unlike her who’s simply the organic chemistry fairy because she’s so outgoing and smart and kind. it’s safe to say that taeil had come to a conclusion that he mistook the feeling he had for her as a crush, on his first few months as a freshman. they’re more suited to be siblings, and seulgi doting on him has taught taeil to do the same to his own younger sister.

“yah, oppa, tell me he looks pretty.” seulgi pinches her boyfriend’s stomach as she finished drawing the eyeliner on taeil. for last final touch, she messes with taeil’s faded red hair a little.

her boyfriend’s baritone, “ _wow_. yeah.” sounds awestricken taeil has to look away only to come face to face with hansol and taeyong.

“is this the legendary ‘taeyomi’, then?” hansol teases, smirking his number one smirk that always guarantees him someone to take home with.

“shut up.” taeil blinks, and looks up to find taeyong looking away from him, adam’s apple bobbing.

ah. well.

“you guys,” seulgi clears her throat, smiling wide and proud of her handiwork. “order something. first shots on me.”

hansol bows like a gentleman at her, ordering them a vodka shot each. seulgi and her boyfriend join in on the cheers, and then they move to the dance floor. after inducing alcohol to his system, now taeil can admit that he likes neo culture. the music fits his style.

“this place is awesome,” he says to the crowd because hansol is already busy eyeing pretty people and taeyong is not talking to him. “want to open tab?”

“sure,” hansol nods, “use your card, yeah? we’ll pitch in later. tomorrow.” he bends down to kiss taeil on the cheek and mumbles, “hot girls alert.”

they’re really _hot_ , indeed. tall with long, wavy hair. the two of them look like twin, kinda plastic, but not too much, just a tweak here and there. one has fiery red lips while the other is more modest with just a dab of pink. they’re only _looking_ at hansol, though, probably because taeyong has his back on them.

hansol buys them a drink, opening a tab for them and using his own card. taeil gets up from the stool and scoots closer to taeyong, who frowns when he comes on his line of vision.

“what?” taeil links his arm with taeyong’s, who stiffens at the contact.

“nothing,” taeyong hums. he sighs but still refuses to look at taeil.

taeil doesn’t mean to be cruel, but aren’t they supposed to have fun tonight? he hooks his chin on taeyong’s bony shoulder, tip-toeing, probably whining a little as he demands, “you’re going to ignore me? but hansol already finds his amusements.”

taeyong snorts, and he’s soft for taeil, even though taeil is older than him. when their eyes meet, taeyong looks like he’s giving up.

“shall we dance?” taeil tilts his head and taeyong says they don’t have enough alcohol yet for that, so they open a tab of their own, drink, and drink some more until the main act is boasting his set with a loud invitation to heat up the night. morning. it’s saturday. hansol is nowhere to be found.

taeil is getting tipsy. oh the life of a medium champion drinker. when the DJ plays the intro for ‘mad city’ (remixed), he giggles out loud and taeyong is shouting along hundreds other partygoers because it’s truly the trendiest song nowadays.

“shall we?” taeil hops to his feet, wobbles, and taeyong’s hands are strong on his hips. taeil can’t dance, and he’s not cruel, not really, but it always feels good to know people are looking at _him_ with taeyong on his arms, the one and only lee taeyong who once got scouted on the street for his _face_ but refused the offer because he chose to focus on his study.

the one and only lee taeyong who, once upon a time, had a serious feeling for him but never acknowledged it because they’re _friends_.

and moon taeil isn’t loved for his bravery, no. _this_ isn’t bravery. this is him being cruel just because it’s been a while since taeyong couldn’t bear to look at him just like when his feeling was seriously suffocating him and he wished taeil would say anything about it. but taeil pretended he didn’t know _anything_ because he wasn’t, isn’t, brave. he wasn’t even brave enough to _believe_ that  taeyong could fall for him.

he can blame the alcohol, later.

“lead me.” taeil flings his arms to taeyong’s shoulders, dangling them, and taeyong pushes their fronts close, guiding taeil’s hips to move with the beat using his strong hands. elbows and hairs and sweats keep bumping taeil from left and right, and he throws his neck back, presenting it for taeyong whose fluid move is free, careless but not calculated.

when taeyong’s lips touch the column of taeil’s damp neck, taeil finds it kinda sad because he can taste the doubt coming in rolling waves until taeyong completely backs off of him, wide-eyed, ashamed and mortified. it breaks taeil’s heart when he apologizes.

“no, don’t—” but taeyong leaves like taeil is a plague, contaminating him. taeil has to blink back tears, standing still in the middle of the dancing bodies, feeling hollow and sad and of course, this is how regret consumes him and his pathetic attempt of seeking validation for his being.

(by the time taeil is feeling sick of strangers’ lipstick and floral perfume invading his lips and body, he finds out taeyong has paid for their tab.)

 

* * *

 

 

 

 _ saturday_ 

taeil wakes up to johnny looking like a grim reaper dressed all black, his back to him, as he locks the door. he has a 7-11 plastic bag with colorful stuffs inside.

right. he’s in johnny’s dorm. after finding out that taeyong had closed their tab he wandered to the second floor, looking for johnny’s VIP table. he remembered johnny had looked so grateful when he showed up, and then they were in a taxi.

“morning,” taeil croaks out a syllable. his throat feels too dry. “what time is it?”

“morning,” johnny smiles and hair is falling to his left eye. “like, seven? go back to sleep. i didn’t drink much so i’m wide awake.”

johnny’s dorm is located at the north wing of the campus, where the boys buildings are (the girls’ are on the east wing). his room is facing the soccer field, and it’s on the third floor. the view is great. it’s cool in the summer because johnny’s room doesn’t get that much of sunshine. the bed is just enough for one person, so it’s a good thing that hyuk went home. the room smells like the ocean.

“c’mere,” taeil kicks out the comforter and makes grabby hands at johnny.

johnny grins. the bed creaks under his added weight. he nuzzles his nose to the underside of taeil’s jaw, and his hands are rubbing comforting circles on taeil’s head. “feeling okay, hyung? want aspirin? water?”

“water.” taeil presses a kiss to the corner of johnny’s lips and sits up. he’s not dizzy. good. but the crinkle from the plastic bag is kinda annoying.

he finishes the mineral water with loud, cf-worthy ‘aahhh’ and johnny is laughing at him.

“why am i wearing your ugly chicago bulls t-shirt?” taeil wonders, faking his displeasure. he crosses his legs, clad in johnny’s giant size grey sweatpants. “and this fuckboy 101 sweatpants?” the strings are drawn so tight because taeil is not a giant, thank you very much.

“really? that’s what i get for tucking you to sleep? on my bed, nonetheless.” johnny clicks his tongue, sitting on hyuk’s made bed across the room. he must have done it before going out.

“don’t pout,” taeil throws the empty bottle to johnny’s lap. “you’re too far. c’mere.”

they’ve done this before. something to be kept a secret from the other boys, because once upon a time taeyong had a serious feeling for taeil, remember, and it’s a selfishness from taeil’s part, really, maybe a little bit of narcissism too because he doesn’t think he can say no if taeyong ever asked him to warm his bed. taeyong would never, and taeil isn’t brave, so there’s that.

johnny? johnny is easy. he will never make a mistake of asking _twice_ everytime, because he knows taeil hates to repeat himself.

the kiss is unhurried. slow. taeil brushed his teeth before he passed out, because what’s the point of packing your toothbrush if you weren’t going to use it? but apparently, johnny forgot that he packed spare clothes because look how he dressed him!

“did you have hot chocolate?” taeil licks johnny’s lower lip for a good measure. “hmm?”

“yeah.” johnny dives in for another kiss, with tongue and more spit this time.

taeil closes his eyes, enjoying the hot trails johnny’s palms are making on his face and neck. johnny is always gentle with him, no matter how shitfaced or aroused they were on their previous time together, which if he remembers correctly... well... last year irene-noona happened for a few months, and the year before that they hooked up exactly _once_ , so... seven times? this is going to be their eighth time, the first of 2017, and taeil thinks, vaguely, that this could work, too, because johnny is his friend. he doesn’t make it a hobby to sleep with men, but aside from johnny who treats him like a flower, he had enjoyed his first time sleeping with a senior who took a liking on him years ago. that senior wasn’t as gentle, but he had big hands just like johnny, and he made taeil laugh a lot. taeil was fresh out of all boys high school at that time, girls were a foreign entity for him, and that senior had told him he gave up looking for a girlfriend within their major. taeil might be a replacement, but they didn’t have sex that often for him to be considered as a booty call, but, yeah. that was before he understood he was appealing to girls thanks to his soft voice and lethal shyness, and then that senior graduated and whenever they catch up to eat street snacks, they just... talk.

this is something taeil never talks about with the boys, not even to johnny. it’s the kind of memory that he wants to relive privately, not out of embarrassment, but purely because that was his first time and it was _new_. in every other aspects, johnny is a better fuck than that senior. but it’s different, still, since taeil, more or less, knows what he likes and dislikes now.

he’s mentioned about that senior to johnny after they first slept together, because johnny was having a breakdown as a freshman from abroad who didn’t mean to cross the friendship line with _a very quiet hyung like you, oh my god, i swear!_ and taeil took pity on him. he doesn’t see himself as bisexual, and johnny has had his share of pretty girlfriends after that, but somehow, the other six times happened anyway.

maybe because johnny is a friend? a familiar figure whom taeil is comfortable to get naked with?

taeil gasps when johnny’s left hand moves south to caress his stomach. johnny uses that moment to push taeil back to lie on the bed, lips never leaving each other, and taeil grabs johnny’s soft hair, guiding him to nip on his clavicle.

“ahh...” taeil moans when johnny goes lower to press butterfly kisses on his stomach, belly button, and a bite on his jutting hipbone. his cock stirs at the stinging sensation.

“i’m—” johnny huffs. his pupils are already dilated. he’s swallowing noisily before he can speak again, “get your clothes off, hyung. i need to get the, y’know. condom and whatever.” but he goes to rummage through the 7-11 plastic bag for it, instead of his wallet or somewhere else.

“you went to 7-11 to buy _condoms_?” taeil puts johnny’s chicago bulls t-shirt next to the pillow. “aren’t you hopeful.”

“shut up, hyung.” johnny, honest to god, blushes, and taeil is sure he’s missing a big news here, but he still can’t pinpoint what.

feeling ridiculous because he’s the only one shirtless, he tugs at johnny’s black hoodie. johnny yields to his careful hands, and he’s not wearing any undershirt. his flat tummy is finally showing underdeveloped abs, a result of going to the gym together with hansol and jaehyun. “when was the last time you get laid?” taeil hopes he doesn’t sound like he’s making fun of johnny, because he’s not.

“um,” johnny sniffs, shrugging, biceps flexing when he crosses his arms. “the last time we hooked up?”

taeil _hopes_ to god and beyond that his surprised face doesn’t show. johnny is not a liar. but it can’t be?! the last time they hooked up was before johnny went home to chicago for christmas holiday, which was _last year_ , four months ago. no. fucking. way.

“hyung? are you... are you crying?” johnny’s voice seems so much closer than before and taeil, probably _thisclose_ to being panicked, feels his chest is too tight for his comfort. he frowns, reaching out for johnny’s hands, and johnny is not stupid. he knows taeil has a habit to pretend that he doesn’t know what’s the deal with taeyong’s feeling even though everyone with a pair of good eyes can see the obvious adoration radiating off of taeyong whenever taeil is involved. he’s not, but he takes taeil’s hands on his and hugs him tight, soothing him.

taeil _sobs._

this is not happening. _it can’t_. taeyong is enough. they’re... they’re _friends_. johnny is not supposed to—

“it’s not what you think,” johnny puts his cheek on top of taeil’s head, “i just—” he takes a deep breath, chest rising and falling, heartbeats too loud for taeil’s ears. “i don’t know.”

unfortunately for him, taeil is not stupid either.

“i’m so sorry,” he blubbers, dampening johnny’s firm chest with his tears and breaths, “i’m so sorry.”

johnny’s _it’s okay_ is way too quiet for it to be anything but okay.

taeil closes his eyes until they’re hurt and whispers, “i’m sorry i didn’t know.”

“it’s okay, hyung.” johnny kisses his temple and brushes his hair out of his face. johnny’s lips are dry but his hands are just as gentle as ever. “now you do.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> p.s. let's talk on tumblr [@marks-hyung](https://marks-hyung.tumblr.com).   
>    
> 


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